To be able to love someone else, you must first love yourself. How can you promise someone unconditional love if you cannot even say it to yourself? That is why to love yourself must be one of the hardest things to do. And to unconditionally love yourself, you must know yourself.

It takes time to fall in love with someone. And we all know love is blind.

When Alex first saw Jamie, Alex was attracted to Jamie. I think it is important to note at this point that attraction is not love.

In the eyes of Alex, Jamie is the most perfect human being. But Alex has that big nose and it is going to take a lot of love for Jamie to unsee that.

Fast forward a few months (possibly a year or 2), very high telephone bills, a mountain of take-away boxes, and a few hundred miles along the beach, both Alex and Jamie are happy in love. But how, and why?

Because they talked to each other. They got to know each other. They got to read each other. Now they understand each other.

Jamie does not see Mount Nose anymore and Alex came to realise that Jamie could be a stunt double for Dumbo. But neither one cares about the imperfections of the other. They feel comfortable and safe with the other one. There is a level of trust between them. They accept each other for who and what they are. They are happy in each other's company. They love each other. They only want the best for each other. And when there is something brewing, they can talk about it and find a solution to the problem.

That is exactly what you need to do to start loving yourself. Talk to yourself. Get to know yourself. But how?

Here comes the difficult part.

When you get up in the morning, take a look at yourself in the mirror. Hey you. (Now be kind, you won't comment on someone else's big mouth and squint eye. Don't do it to yourself.) How are you today? How was your day yesterday? Why do you look so sad? / You seem quite happy today. Tell me more? I can see the spark is gone from your eyes. When did you loose it? I see you have some lines in your face. I have the same ones. Mine comes from my life journey. Would you like to hear about it?

Your conversations can go on for as long as you like, as frequently as you like. Before long, you won't even notice your eyes and mouth anymore. And you will recognise those thighs as those of a long-beloved best friend.

When you are having these conversations, you will start noticing how other aspects of your life will fall in place. You will find that it is easier to forgive, because you are the only one carrying the burden. You may find it easier to stay calm in stressful situations, because to get worked up about something stupid, is only to your own detriment.

And one day on this journey, you will look back and realise that you love yourself. You will find that you have accepted yourself for who and what you are. Warts and all, as someone very dear to me used to say. Only then will you find how easy it is to love someone else, and what hard work it is to keep the love growing.

Now you might say too much self love is not good. I disagree. Love yourself to the moon and back, but never let your ego grow. The ego is very self-centred and only cares about itself. Once you start hearing Right Said Fred's I'm too sexy, you must know that it is the ego doing the talking, and not your higher self. Where there is ego, there is no space for consciousness.

Good luck on this wonderful journey.

Sending you love and light.
Tiaan